


happening, happened

by Anonymous



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION, X1 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Drabble, Gen, Introspection, Open Ending, could be seen as platonic or romantic, kind of, kinda emo rn, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 22:16:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: at that moment, all he can think is; maybe i should’ve done more.-or, jinhyuk doesn’t survive.





	happening, happened

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! wrote this quickly after having sum . feelings abt jinhyuk not ending up in the final group
> 
> while i like the final line-up a lot (mbk boys & seungyoun nation make some noise) i was really emo abt jinhyuk & a few others not making it, so i wrote this to cope
> 
> it’s unedited! enjoy!

pride is what he felt at first. all of his close friends making it into the final line up? jinhyuk couldn’t be more happy for them, knew that they all deserved it after practicing _hours upon hours_ without rest. their hard work didn’t go to waste, he thought, as seungyoun was announced as number 5, clapping him on the back.

but the pride starts to make way for fear once the amount of available spots gets smaller and smaller. doubt consumes him, clutching onto his heart and making it harder to keep the smile on his face. he resists the urge to flinch every time a camera focuses on him, and feels like his soul is being bared for the whole world to see. _please let me debut again,_ it says, plain and clear on his face, but he swallows down the bitterness and claps once they announce seungwoo-hyung as 3rd. 

wooseok thinks he’s being subtle when he flicks over to look at jinhyuk; but the weight of his gaze is far from it. _i’m okay,_ he mouths, once he catches the other’s eye. _i’m okay._

he repeats it like a mantra in his head, over and over again until he can force himself to believe it. someone’s hand is clapping his shoulder, but he can’t tell who, none of it processing as his heart beats in his throat, as doubt and fear and insecurity loom over him like an overbearing parent. 

wooseok getting second makes his eyes prick with heat, unshed tears threatening to fall, but he stays strong for the both of them. wooseok deserved this more than anyone; years spent dancing in the practice room until his joints creaked, crying into jinhyuk’s shoulder when days got too rough in the late hours of the night. 

_“will we ever get to debut?” he asks one night as they lay on jinhyuk’s bed, fingers intertwined with one another. jinhyuk turns around, smiles wide with false bravado, and ruffles wooseok’s hair._

_“you were made to be a star, wooseok. i know you’re gonna debut,” he grins, sincere, and wooseok rolls his eyes, calling him greasy, but his posture relaxes and there’s gratitude in his eyes._

_“we’re gonna stand on stage together one day,” wooseok whispers, squeezing his hand tighter. jinhyuk doesn’t respond, but he squeezes back. there didn’t need to be words._

“i knew you could do it, wooseok-ah. i’m proud of you,” he mouths to the other, and wooseok is crying, unrestrained, as he makes his speech. his hands shake and jinhyuk wants to go up there, hold them until they become steady, and hug wooseok tight enough to relay all the words he isn’t brace enough to say. 

“i love you, jinhyuk,” he says into the mic, and jinhyuk feels his eyes prickling again, but he doesn’t cry. not yet. 

_me, too._

it hurts. seeing himself as a candidate of x does nothing but smack him in the face, douse cold water on his back, snapping jinhyuk back into reality. his lips quirk up, remorsefully, and he sighs. 

_ah, jinhyuk, at least you came closer than you thought you would._ his face looks back at him from the screen, almost mockingly, and for a moment, his thoughts are filled with:

_please. let me debut again._

he lets the tears fall when he’s announced as last, digs his nails into the palm of his hand hard enough to sting, and avoids the pitying gazes of everyone on the platform, sitting comfortably in their sofa seats. 

he covers his eyes, and makes his speech, too surreal to remember what he’s even saying. he feels hands patting his shoulders, comforting voices telling him that he did good, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. he was _almost_ there. 

jinhyuk congratulates eunsang with a grin, and hugs all of his friends who worked hard to earn the right to sit on the sofas, but it slides off easily when wooseok stands in front of them.

“ _jinhyuk_ ,” he whispers, eyes sparkling with tears, and jinhyuk hugs him before he can say anything else, shaking as he cries on wooseok’s shoulder.

“make me proud, okay?” jinhyuk whispers into wooseok’s jacket, soothing his hands down the line of wooseok’s back. he wants to press a kiss to his hair, but decides against it, the sound of cameras going off snapping him back to reality. 

he’s happy for wooseok, happy for his friends, his fellow teammates. 

the sofa seats stare back at him tauntingly when he leaves, and at that moment, all he can think is; _maybe i should’ve done more._

but regrets won’t change the outcome, and he straightens his back once he sits in the company van. he didn’t make it to the debut lineup; and produce made him feel like ripping his hair out on more days than not, but he had good experiences. made friends, practiced hard, ate ramyun as he goofed off with yohan. 

_wooseok shushes jinhyuk’s questions as he sneaks them out of the dorms. the wind feels good against jinhyuk’s warm skin, making the humidity more bareable, and he can’t help but whine again._

_“wooseok,” he drags out the syllables, “where are we going?”_

_wooseok stops them at a park nearby, and sits him down on one of the swings, intertwining their fingers gently._

_“thought we needed to get away from the dorms for a minute,” wooseok hums, legs swinging gently. the way he squeezes jinhyuk’s hands says everything for him, and jinhyuk reaches over to press a kiss to wooseok’s cheek._

_“i love you.”_

they were going to be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> even if he ain’t in x1 jinhyuk is a bad bitch and i love him streaks


End file.
